I've been sharing morning posts on the Facebook page for a few months I think now, maybe longer. I'm bringing them here now.
I'm quite sombre this morning.
Between myself and the Moon I have been tearing everything down to bare bits and bare bones. I laid a part of myself to rest last night and there's a grieving process hitting me hard.
Trusted helpers lend a rope to draw us out of our dug pits of hell we create for ourselves when it all seems to be a bit too much. And what I keep calling onto myself is, for me, too much to keep replaying. Fleeting moments of Divine realizations are no longer enough to sustain me. Am I going to stand in my power or not?
So I decided to hysterically cry in the centre of our circle garden. Anger and vicious tears raged and coursed through me. And I listened to the voices hanging out by the edge of the hole I was creating. They told me: Go gently. Let it out. Heal the wound that all these wounds stem from. They asked me 'why'.
And even though I had been doing this all along, and thought I'd dug so deep, I realized there's more under it all. So much more that I would still rather punish myself than to take the hand from under the depths of the pit, and pull out that perfect wounded being once and for all. To nurture and integrate it all.
So it is now that I have a journey ahead of me. As my shadow looks up towards the light and stops feeling sick. Stops feeling wounded. Stops gaslighting herself. Stops thinking outside of her world. Stops burying that part of me in the depths of the pit, needing so badly to be uncovered, loved, nurtured and put back, integrated into a whole being so that there aren't fits of rage and tears given to something unworthy. Given to the cycle I allow to repeat.
When the devil comes knocking on your door in cycles it's not daily. It's like a lesson plan, that is, until he knows. When he knows you're banging your head against walls no longer there. When he knows you are your worst enemy in the thick of it all and that you know this too. He pushes quicker, harder and throws spitfires without reprieve. When he sees how easy it is to take you down from your place of heavenly peace. Stop denying this gift!!!Are you listening yet? Do you see?
And everyone around you thinks they know but they don't. They know their journey. And you think you know but you don't. You only know the path you've trekked up to this point.
And now I have to stand in the pits of the depths of it all. I've eaten my pomegranate seeds a bit early for me. My inner seasonal clock is messing with me and life is forcing me to live the Life/Death cycle at once without separation. And I'm scared. And I'm shaking. And in each step the embers are hotter on my feet. I'm digging in the ashes and coals. There's a phoenix in there ready to rise. I just have to grab hold and not let go. Those fleeting moments of divinity are meant to be consistent, not sporadic. They are meant to heal and be healed.
Your daemon is here to help, not hinder. And is waiting on the other side of it all. Where there are those who would have you thinking it's a demon beckoning you to stay longer than your time, it's your soul's home, waiting for you to be at the threshold, reaching for the door knob so that you can enter the place you always belonged. The way you came here, without the baggage that separates you from your truth and your genius.
Go out and do more than just what's expected or typical of your day. It's time.
(in ancient Greek belief) a divinity or supernatural being of a nature between gods and humans.
Author: Cari-Lee Miller
Understand this, dear reader:
This blog space is like a diary to which consent for my writings/feelings/expressions, is never needed or asked for. This is my space and if it brings you uncomfortable feelings, feel free to look no further and keep to the spaces that do you no harm.
I am a seed burst forth from its shell. I have mingled and fought in the dirt. I am ready to kiss the Sun. *CLM
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