Normally I would be posting a gorgeous scene from our surroundings. This morning I will be a little more centered in celebrating the love that my husband and I have been sharing for almost 17 years now.
15 years ago today we were married in a ceremony that was beautiful and we were surrounded by those who loved us. But that's not the story I want to touch on today.
In fact, I was sparked by an article that I read yesterday about a film star who claimed that monogamy was a joke more or less because it's such hard work with little return and staying faithful is just too hard.
A facebook friend posted a thought to go along with this revelation, that perhaps it's the inner work on herself that is just too difficult. And therein lies the rub.
I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm simply going to discern what I feel to be the reality in these times.
Not everyone is meant to be monogamous. So much like all things that others don't like, we shouldn't be putting people in boxes to appease social standards or pressures. Nor should we condemn something because we simply don't agree with it or don't resonate with it.
Don't like marriage? Don't get married! Easy peasy!
Don't want to be with one partner? Then don't promise that you will be faithful to someone who wishes to keep themselves open.
It's about being honest with yourself about who you are, what makes you happy and where you want to be in your life!!! You can't find someone who wants something completely different and think or believe that you will change them!!! Well, you can try...and just how high is that divorce rate again?
I would agree with the idea that 'people are wounded, with no idea how to repair.' They consistently look for healing in the escapism acts we humans are so good at.
Whether we are escaping through drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, sex, (we have so many vices), it's all simply an escape to nothing but more emptiness and lack of personal fulfillment.
Today marks the 15th year that John and I have been married. Soon to be 17 years of being together, loving, learning, arguing, fighting, screaming, crying, laughing, talking, liking, knowing, seeing, feeling, understanding, teaching, apologizing, forgiving, trying, doing, discussing, revealing, rebelling, blaming, sharing, mending, wounding, and tearing down and building one another. Tending to our wounds both old and new.
Mending the tears and rips caused by others and ourselves. Repairing damages we never knew existed with each other or while we sit back, holding space for each other as one of us falls far apart from what we once thought was a whole being.
See, we have shattered our own illusions of what marriage should be.
Who 'wears the pants'? Such a messed up view but we have an answer! We BOTH do! Sometimes it's like a three-legged race...most times actually! We show BALANCE in ourselves and in how we are with each other.
So when I see this huge call for the end of monogamy as it is 'unnatural' for we humans, I see people who are not meant for it who should really stop pretending to be monogamous for fear of losing something they value. Selfishness and possessiveness is not love.
People who are not being honest with themselves about their own issues and woundings that are holding them back from the sacredness that could be theirs.
The reality of this type of love is that it isn't hard work like I hear so many saying, but I do understand that there isn't proper language to necessarily describe what goes into a partnership such as this thing we call 'monogamy'.
You're going to hurt one another, you're going to repair one another. It's a 'give and take' relationship. It's that balance that you find in the symbol of the 'figure 8'. We flow in and out of one another and that is no simple act to be taken lightly. You have to be responsible for yourself and what you are allowing to flow through, as much as being aware of what you are accepting.
We do not have all of the answers in this life or in our marriage/partnership/union. We just love each other, like each other and want to grow with each other. We are happy for one another when the other succeeds in anything they set their heart and mind to and we support one another as we reach out and work for those things.
We never settled for one another, we wanted, needed, and desired each other, while being inspired and influenced in the most amazing ways by what the other brings to this table we sit at with great purpose for ourselves and this partnership build on love and trust.
I have become the truest form of myself because I have been given the safest space to realize these things: the arms of my loving husband and partner who is my best friend and most cherished and desired lover, and advisor. I can and do tell him everything. Yes even all of those things I am not proud of that make me squirm when I think about them....they don't make me squirm any longer though. That's what healing does when you truly want it.
I offer him this same space for him to realize all of his truest forms of self.
This love is not perfect and I am not boastful in what I am sharing. This is what true love looks like. And this dirty word attachment that people are playing at with 'monogamy' is a symptom of a much deeper problem in our society.
It's time we start loving ourselves a little bit deeper I would think. I'm grateful for this love that has helped me realize so much, grow so much and love so much more fully than I ever thought I was capable of.
If you can find one person to lose yourself completely in, only to find your truest form, then you have the gold that so few can really claim to have found.
I am such a prospector.
Author: Cari-Lee Miller
Understand this, dear reader:
This blog space is like a diary to which consent for my writings/feelings/expressions, is never needed or asked for. This is my space and if it brings you uncomfortable feelings, feel free to look no further and keep to the spaces that do you no harm.
I am a seed burst forth from its shell. I have mingled and fought in the dirt. I am ready to kiss the Sun. *CLM
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