Although I have complained about you relentlessly this year I have also praised you and your lessons. This year has been a true year of completion and I am grateful.
I am so grateful that I no longer blame things outside myself for the hardships in my life...I was the one making it difficult. I was the one looking for stuff to fight against for so very long.....I'm so grateful for letting go of self-torture and worrying about the whispers.
2016 taught me to stop caring about those things not within my power to affect. Like what other people do or say. Those who pay attention to everything you do in order to cause you pain are not your problem. They are their own problem. I have dodged every bullet shot because none of the issues were ever mine and I honestly felt like I needed to stand up for myself. The truth was that making their issues my own is where my folly was, and the lesson in noticing the folly in the first place was the cure. I regret nothing.
2016 taught me that I don't need to defend myself from those that cause harm because of their own insecurities. My own insecurities felt the need to prove I was good enough. It's taken me 30+ years to get to this point but I have arrived. Say what you want because the proof is always in the pudding and I know my worth.
2016 has taught me that I am no one's victim but my own and that is not a pool I want to swim in any longer.
2016 taught me that letting go is a lot more than spoken words that say so. It means to physically, emotionally and spiritually 'let go' and not hold onto even the thinnest thread. I always held onto something, however small. I know better.
2016 taught me to forgive those who don't care about my forgiveness. That I'm forgiving for my own piece of mind and not their approval. It's taught me that nostalgia does not make for good relations and that peace of mind is totally within you and not the lacking that others feel from without.
2016 was difficult and it stripped me raw, or rather it allowed me the chance to strip myself. I allowed myself the ability to see things exactly as they are and to stop fighting any of it. Instead, I just have this ability to observe without needing to take on all of the emotions that once wanted to swim up and out of my being. No repressing them either....they just lessened as I dealt with them wholly. Not just paying lip service to myself...
These emotions no longer fill me to the brim and create menacing fervor of the want and need to retaliate. Thank-you to every demon and monster I have called onto myself. I needed you all to get here. I'm sorry I fought you, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I turned your cruelty back onto you. I forgive you for the pain you caused and I forgive you for all of the harm you caused in your in painful reeling. I'm sorry for all of the hurt I caused myself for thinking that holding up a mirrir for you would work something out for you. But it's not my reflection and it's not my mirrior, so just like me it's time you let go too. It's over, move on.
It's been a long, difficult and reflective year. Everyone can agree with that. Truthfully it's been a fantastic year of lessons and the chances to truly change one's stars. I'm glad I was able to do so surrounded by all the beings who were there for each and every instance where I needed you to be in this journey. The good, the bad and the ugly, the beautiful, the best and worst. You all helped me to grow.
I forgive myself for pushing myself when I thought I wasn't good enough, for beating myself up, for being overly self-critical and not loving myself enough to be patient with my processes.
Author: Cari-Lee Miller
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I am a seed burst forth from its shell. I have mingled and fought in the dirt. I am ready to kiss the Sun. *CLM
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