In the last 5 years we have made some pretty incredible and outrageous decisions, and changes as individuals and as a family. None of which we regret.
We have gone above and beyond to join or create a community. You know...common unity.
This 'movement' is just lush with people making claims that they want this. Truth is, I don't think most even know what a true community is. And if it's what I keep seeing, I'm really not interested. My little wooden doll is jumping up and down in my pocket in agreement!
The first time we went away to build a community with one of those 'sovereign-types'. We had no interest in diving into the legal part of the sovereignty movement. The idea of working together in a community for sustainability, organic gardens, cob homes and such, that was what called out to us. So we picked up and moved our family a 36 hours drive from home. We thought we did our due diligence before we had left.
When we arrived we found lies and betrayal. Details are long and sorted, but in short, basically a big con. A need for workers and more lemmings to jump off the cliff. On seeing, no lemmings were we.
What did we learn? We learned that we really have to cross ALL the t's and dot ALL the i's. People are rarely what they claim to be. Even when you see purchase agreements, pictures, deeds, it doesn't matter.
I made a new friend some years ago through Facebook. We actually were pretty awesome together until I realized it wasn't exactly 2 sided. She was looking for her spirituality she had lost or never had, I truly don't know. I was looking for someone to share with on a feminine level.
She had mentioned several times to me that she wished she could take the time for herself as I did, that I had my family's support, which she didn't. Often she would tell me that I was too sensitive but that she 'loved me anyway'. I took it as teasing, but it really wasn't. Where my relationship with John is very open and honest, hers with her partner was shrouded in lies and half-truths and I was having a hard time with what I had to make sure I shouldn't repeat.
A month after coming home from, what was to myself, a very sacred week away where I grew so much, she drugged me...call it spiritual or psychic rape. We were at what I was told was a sacred Full Moon Festival...it was nothing more than a glorified rave with camping. Lots of kids running around on many chemicals and one even flipping out, trying to beat and eat people, was sent to the ER in an ambulance with full police entourage. Sounds real sacred doesn't it?
What did I learn? That I really need to hear what people are telling me. She had told me all that I needed to know that she was not my friend, but my vampire. Holding me back and wishing for what I was capable of instead of making it happen for herself. When true amazing changes came, I was painfully shown just what someone will do if they are jealous of your light.
Another time, we let a family into our sacred space, thinking we could begin a community from the inside out. We had found what we thought were similar minds with similar goals.
We already have our family, who'd been changing and growing well towards sustainability, homeschooling and the lot, why not add another? If we build it from the inside out, it will come...
Problem is that there was no fair play, fair share or fair trust. We gave all the trust, share and play and it was all taken. What we really found was someone who coveted what our family had and wanted it for themselves without the effort. Ready made family. While the damage being done to that person's child started to creep into our own children's lives, the parent lazed around while John and I worked hard as we do. Imagine having all of your meals made for you and never cleaning up after yourself, or ever pitching in for the food that was being served to you. Never cleaning, or pitching in for chores, not taking care of material responsibilities for your child and expecting others to. Or going as far as to watch them toil asking them if help was needed, clearly after the work was done. I just can't imagine ever doing this to anyone, let alone someone who claims to respect and care for you and yours..
What did we learn? Many who are in the movement of truth and exposure can't imagine if the light was on them. When we tried to work with this situation the person ran away instead of facing the problems. Leaving our family to clean up the mess left behind. And 'Alternative Media'? It's corrupted by egos instead of enlightened by truth. They've mostly lost their way to be popular or make money...why they began is not why they continue and this is one of the biggest reasons I walked away from it to create and build on Recipe For Anarchy. This is authentic and always will be. The moment it no longer stands with that integrity I would cease to create in this space and move forward.
We learned that we are community enough in itself.
There was also that dream and work I created for my vision for my art and communication, I shared it and someone that at first seemed to hold my vision with me. Later it seemed that they attempted to make the projects we were working on move towards their own ends, changing it for themselves with little to no care for how I had created the original outlet in the first place. In short, they took the dream I was carefully crafting and decided that branding it for their own uses would make them advance...coat-tail riding. In the end I had to make sure this project came to an end. It was burned, shredded and never to be used again. It now stands on it's own instead of being steered for intentions that were never meant.
What did I learn from this? If I wanted my dream to come true, I had to dream it and put it into action myself. I had to finally trust in myself and learn on my own.
I learned from these things, that I can do anything I want to.
All of this aside, what have I personally learned from these choices that WE have made?
I have learned that most people really don't want what it is they think they want. More so, they want the glorified picturesque painting in their minds without any of the hard work that comes with it. Too many times I have found myself in the position of Big Red Hen and no one comes until I have the bread cooling on my window. All the while I knew it would be this way...I've stopped offering up the bread.
I also respect that the Universe gives us versions of the things we THINK we want to see if we can handle them. To show us a snippet of what we think our dream is. Many times I have been given more after I have accepted the challenge, and sometimes, I just realize the dream was a fantasy and although I'm glad for the experience, I'd rather move forward with a new plan.
I don't really think I actually want community after all of this. I think I would much rather prefer to be the crazy lady living on the outskirts of town. The one that people either love and cherish or fear and mock.. Either they'll come to me and mine with what ails them & with love and care, or they will not come at all.
Give me Baba Yaga's house on chicken feet that twirls and spins. I'd much rather that than a community of fakes and cons, trying to prosper from the hard work of others.
As I type out about Baba Yaga and her house so briefly, I see the full circle here for me....it's intuition. The story of Vasalisa the Beautiful. Many times the wooden doll in my pocket was jumping up and down at me to pay heed to what was going on. I, instead would gaslight myself about being judgmental and critical of others. Truly it was just my intuition warning me and I shut that beautiful wooden doll up...all for lessons, but not something I will repeat.
If you'd like to understand more, please read Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. In particular the story of Vasilisa the Brave, an old Slavic tale well worth reading to your children. Teaching trusting, feeding and listening to one's intuition.
Author: Cari-Lee Miller
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This blog space is like a diary to which consent for my writings/feelings/expressions, is never needed or asked for. This is my space and if it brings you uncomfortable feelings, feel free to look no further and keep to the spaces that do you no harm.
I am a seed burst forth from its shell. I have mingled and fought in the dirt. I am ready to kiss the Sun. *CLM
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